Andi (illonadances) wrote,

Feeling tired

I've been feeling a bit depressed over the last few days. I think it's mostly the result of being one of the few volunteers who is still walking dogs at the pound after the 6 months since my training. When I first did my training, they said there's a 5% retention, so I expected it. Still, it's hard to do the best I can, and still see dog after dog in cages with tags on them that say, "I went walking Saturday," when it's Tuesday. I can't walk them all- there are literally more than 80 dogs in the shelter, and I need to take each one out for a minimum of 15 minutes. (I still feel like the 15 minutes is a piddly amount, but at least it's something). It's not like I'm the only volunteer- there are a few who have been there for years. One man, Dick, was a programmer in the early days of computers, and is now retired. He volunteers at the pound full time, Tuesday through Friday. There are a few other retirees as well, and a few other folks from my training, but there just aren't enough people.

I was very heartened today to see a whole new group of people training to volunteer. One girl who I'd talked with about volunteering 3 weeks ago was there and waved at me as she walked by in the tour group. That made me happy. I really hope that more people from this group will stay for the whole time and give their 5 hours per week.

I think I'm also sad about Clyde. He is a pit-bull, and quite large. He is white with brown spots, has huge wide brown eyes, and is an exceedingly sweet dog. He is very strong and needs obedience training, but he will make someone an excellent companion if they will just take a chance on him. He is now an 'extended stay' dog at the shelter, and has balloons and shiny ribbons all over his cage to draw attention to him. The shelter is offering free obedience training to anyone who will take him. All my life I have mistrusted pitbulls, but this one is really sweet and doesn't deserve to be put down because some asshole human didn't take the right care of him as a pup.

I'm also probably crabby because I'm on the rag, although I don't normall feel this down at any point during my cycle. I really needed to practice yoga today, but couldn't go in the hot room because my body needed a day of rest.

The Buddha was right- life is hell. It's just not hell for every being. For some beings, it's paradise. For me it's paradise. For my cats, it's paradise. For the dogs at the pound, and for most humans, it's not. This is a hard, shitty truth.
So, the question becomes, how do we get everyone to paradise? That, I suppose, takes many lifetimes and many people working very hard to bring peace and happiness to all they encounter. I think it's going to be a very, very long road. Then, what else do eternal beings have but time, right? I'm exceedingly grateful for yoga and ecstatic dance, because without that, I'd be hopped up on Prozac and cannabis pretty much permanently in this life. Om namah, Shivaya. Shivaya namaha.

Tags: tired
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